Are you an introvert?
Do you suffer from self esteem issues?
But I came up with 16 actions that helped me build an unbreakable self confidence and start loving myself.
And in this article I'll show you why and how I did it. Keep reading.
And very small handful of my friends know what I am about to share with you. And when I do share it, they'll most likely say...
"That explains a lot."
When I was a child it wasn't anywhere near the Hollywood ideal scene. In fact it was a horror story.
I was fourth child by the fourth different father. And my sister was number five. And before I was born, my brother Jon died. Literally 2 months before I was born.
I found later in life it suspected that my mother killed him because of her abusive nature. It was never proven.
I can attest that the abuse can be.
I was about 4 when my mother met and married Ken, my step-father. He was a good guy, but he had a temper and he let his mouth run when he should have kept quiet. So as a result, he couldn't keep a job for longer than a few weeks or months at a time.
This caused us to move around quite a lot. (Little did I know then that I'd end up a mover and have a moving business.)
It seemed when I was a kid that we would move every 3 to 4 months. It could have been longer, but it was frequent nonetheless.
When we moved I would have to change school almost every time. This caused me to not really be able to socialize and build those interpersonal skills that most kids get to do.
So when we finally moved to Crystal Michigan when I was 10 it started out rough.
Because my name was "Jae" and rhymed with "gay" I became "Gay Jae." And not really knowing how to handle this I became the bullied kid.
Then I entered middle and high school and it got worse.
There wasn't a day that I wasn't called names, beat up, spit on or some other vile torture that kids could imagine.
Remember I told you my mother was abusive. Well that is putting it mildly. I was sexually, mentally and physically abused.
And I was the favorite child.
So just imagine the hell my siblings suffered at my mother's hand.
Yeah...that was my life.
To say the least I had some emotional and self esteem issues. Issues that have plagued me for 4 decades and affected all my personal and business relationships.
So without further adieu...
1. I put my faith in God.
I stopped trying to please and putting my faith in people. They always let me down, no matter how well intentioned they are.
I know many of you may not believe the same as me. That's fine. I respect that. This is what worked for me.
But I would encourage you to put your faith in something bigger than yourself. Be it the Universe, Buddha or the Spaghetti Monster it doesn't matter.
If it helps you, then I encourage it. Yes, admittedly I would love to see you come to Jesus, but I won't judge you for not doing so.
2. Know what you know.
You are a smart individual. You know things. Be certain about what you do know. This is not say you should be arrogant about what you know. Be willing to alter what you know.
Stand firm in your knowledge. And if there is something you don't know then go learn it.
3. Walk with a purpose.
When I was in the Army my Drill Sargent would instruct us privates to walk with a purpose.
Lift your chin, square your shoulders and walk with a purposeful gait. Our cadence would even teach us to swing our arms "9 to the front, 6 to the rear."
What this means is when you are walking your arms should swing 9 inches in front of you, and swing 6 inches to rear of you.
If your arms are just dangling when you are walking then you are not walking with a purpose.
4. Be bold as lions.
This comes from the Bible. It means to be fearless by putting your faith in the Lord.
To be bold as lions means to confront your fears and learn to control them.
If there is something that you are afraid of you have to name, make it real. That way you can confront it and ultimately control your fear.
If you are afraid of heights then go to the tallest building and look down. If you are afraid of spiders then find where can find them and have them walk on you.
Name, confront and control your fears. This doesn't mean you'll get over the fears it only means that you'll be able to control them.
When you smile you release endorphins and other hormones that make you feel good.
Also when you smile, you transmit to those around you that you are friendly and open. Believe it or not, but they suffer from the same issues as you do, so by smiling at them they'll relax allowing you to relax.
And you could literally save a life by smiling...and I don't mean yours.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others.
This is a losing game.
I believe that Gary Vaynerchuk says it best in this video:
7. Capture every thought.
You have to learn when your internal voice is talking about you. This is a hard habit to form, but if your are to build an unshakable self confidence then you have learn how to do this.
There are so many book that teach this skill. I think the best one if by Joyce Meyer called "Battlefield For The Mind"
When you do learn to hear that internal voice you have to then capture every thought. What you do then is kill every thought and replace it with positive thoughts.
Every negative thought comes from the World. They are external voices. They are lies. And you just replace it with positive voices.
If you hear that voice calling you "ugly" you rebuke it and replace it with a positive thought.
8. Visualize the person you want to be.
This doesn't mean to picture yourself as someone else, it means to visualize the characteristics that you want to possess.
Once you have established that persona, then work towards that ideal.
For example, if you want to be more giving, then start giving more time, money, effort etc.
Don't try to be everything that you visualized all at once. Just pick one and become that. Then work on another one.
9. It's okay to be wrong.
Learn it's okay to be wrong. Be willing to be wrong. Celebrate that you are and have been wrong.
Before I said to know what you know and don't let anyone or anything shake you from that knowingness. But, you have to be willing to be wrong. And it's okay.
Just because you are wrong doesn't mean you are less of a person. Being wrong is not a fault. Quite the opposite if you learn from it.
And that is the key: Learn. Learning from being wrong and correcting what you have been wrong about.
And when proven wrong admitting to yourself and to others as well.
10. Build a core group of friends.
There is an old saying. One arrow is easily broken, but a bundle of arrows cannot be broken.
And this is true of good friends.
With your friends. I mean with good, trustworthy friends, you cannot be broken.
You need to get rid of those that do encourage and strengthen you. That doesn't mean to just have nothing to do with them, it only means to not have them as part of your core group.
Toxic people will only contaminate the group. They are a virus, and if allowed to spread will make your entire group sick.
Prevention is the best cure, but if someone does come into your life that's toxic you have to quickly realize it and remove them from your life.
11. Let out the anger, fear, pain out.
In a healthy way, you have to learn to let out the all the pain, fear and anger out. Be it exercise, travel, reading books...or screaming in your closet.
You have to let it out.
If you let it fester, it will grow to become a monster. And you don't want that monkey on your back.
12. Be grateful.
Being appreciative and grateful is such a gift and blessing. This has done more for me than anything else.
But when you have no love to give it can be hard. It was for me, and I am still practicing.
But as I get a better grip on this the more grateful and appreciative I get.
There was a time I felt no emotion. It was very deep down as to be nonexistent so forcing myself to be grateful has made me more and more loving person. It has also helped me to be forgiving as well.
13. Practice smiling all the time.
I remember having to try so hard to smile.
I'd sit and "smile" and have my face hurt so much...and actually start twitching because of the strain I was putting on my face, only to see outwardly, I wasn't smiling at all.
I had to practice and practice.
Earlier I mentioned smiling is the best medicine. And it is. But when you hate yourself as much as I did, and your in in as much pain as I was...smiling is that lest thing on your mind.
Some people are naturals. They smile with ease. That was not my situation.
for me, I literally had to practice smiling. I had to train my face muscles to smile. It was like working out.
No pain, no gain. Right?
14. Change one habit at a time.
We all have bad habits. When you are depressed you have more than your fair share.
And the only way to heal, is to replace the bad habits with good ones.
But, if you try to change every bad habit all at once, you are going to fail. I speak from experience. That only leads to more depression and self-loathing.
Start with an easy bad habit to replace. Something like not chewing your finger nails. Then move up to the harder ones, one at a time.
Eliminating bad habits isn't enough, you have to REPLACE them with good habits. Habits like speaking about yourself in positive ways.
Tell yourself that you are a perfect child of God. Or telling yourself that you are loved and can influence people. That you are pretty/handsome. That you have worth. These are all positive thoughts to replace the bad ones.
15. Don't concentrate on problems.
This seems so simple. You may even said while reading this that this is common sense. But you'd be surprised on just how fixated we all are on problems.
Don't believe me. Okay. Just watch the news. How many positive, good news stories do you see? Few it any.
Instead, concentrate on solutions to problems.
Not making enough money. Fine. How are you then going to make more money?
Whenever you tell yourself that you can't do this or that, those are just excuses. That is you concentrating on problems rather than solutions.
When confronted with a problem the easiest and best solution is to just relax, take a deep breathe and just let the solution come to you. It's called having faith.
Forcing solutions rarely solves anything, and more often than not it leads to more problems.
Think in solutions. Not problems.
16. Clean and Dekludge your environment.
First off I should define the word "dekludge" as many of you will most likely never even heard that word:
(De) = get rid of, get out of. (Kludge) = junk, debris, wanted or unneeded possessions. (Dekludge) = Getting rid of unwanted junk or possessions.
Clean is self-explanatory I feel.
Get rid of everything that you no longer wear or use. Either throw it way, sell it or donate it.
You feel so much better without all that junk weighing you down, and 2 it symbolizes you ridding yourself of all the toxicity and baggage that you had been living with.
Everything that you throw out put all your anger, fear and negativity to it. Put all the bad vibes into that item and throw it out with gusto.
The stuff you wish to sell or donate don't put your bad jujube as you don't want the next person to be saddled with that crap.
These actions or hacks, whatever you want to call them, are things that I have done to increase my self-esteem and self-confidence.
They are not the end-all, be-all at all. And I sure there are other hacks that are just as effective...and I would to hear all about them. Just leave me a comment below and tell me all about it.
So until next time:
Have a GREAT day!!!!
I started using SEO tactics back in 2008 to get my then fledgling moving business off the ground because I was broke and I needed to stand out. I still use it today, but now I am in a position to be sharing my knowledge with others ...for a fee of course.